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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26657521">never love, just pain</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misterdevere/pseuds/Misterdevere'>Misterdevere</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>what’s life without love [28]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingsman (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Brotherly Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:00:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,257</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26657521</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misterdevere/pseuds/Misterdevere</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
      <p>I wish I was bringing you something more cheerful but it's been a bitch of a week so apparently this is what you're getting, sorry!</p>
<p>If you've read everything up until this point, there probably won't be any huge surprises but please be aware of the tags and avoid if you think it might be something that makes you uncomfortable - as with everything in this series (probably more so), you won't be missing much if you decide to skip this one.</p>
    </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>what’s life without love [28]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868476</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>never love, just pain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wish I was bringing you something more cheerful but it's been a bitch of a week so apparently this is what you're getting, sorry!</p>
<p>If you've read everything up until this point, there probably won't be any huge surprises but please be aware of the tags and avoid if you think it might be something that makes you uncomfortable - as with everything in this series (probably more so), you won't be missing much if you decide to skip this one.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oi, can I talk to you about something?” Frankie plonked himself down at Leo’s little kitchen table.</p>
<p>“Yeah, course,” Leo answered somewhat distractedly as he moved around the room making tea.</p>
<p>“Alright, well, I’ve sort of been seeing someone, and they keep hinting about wanting to sleep together.”</p>
<p>“Right. What’s wrong with that?”</p>
<p>“Well, I mean, nothing wrong with them wanting to. Just, I’ve never had sex before.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Well then I reckon just tell them that.” Leo shrugged. “Everyone’s first time is kind of awkward but it’ll be fine. They’ll understand, especially if you’re like a thing.”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure I want to though, with them or with anyone.” Leo hummed in understanding. “Since Charlie, I kind of hate the idea of it.”</p>
<p>Leo paused and turned to him with a frown. “That was seven years ago, mate. I didn’t realise it still bothered you that much. Not saying it shouldn’t - things take time to deal with - I just didn’t know that it did.”</p>
<p>Frankie bit at his thumbnail as Leo finished the tea and grabbed some biscuits. “I didn’t tell you lot everything that happened.”</p>
<p>That got Leo’s full attention and his frown deepened with concern. He slid one mug in front of Frankie and slowly sat with his own. “Right…”</p>
<p>“We didn’t just kiss, there was more to it than that. He did things to me, got me to do things to him.” Frankie’s voice got quieter as he went on, trailing off to a whisper. “Even tried to fuck me once but neither us knew what we were doing, I guess we did something wrong. It was too painful for him so he stopped.”</p>
<p>Leo sat up straighter, head tilted and eyes narrowed slightly. “Did you wanna do that stuff?”</p>
<p>Frankie squeezed his hands together and stared at them, shame all over his face. “To start with, yeah.”</p>
<p>“Did you wanna have sex with him?” Frankie paused and then slowly shook his head. “Did he know that?” Frankie nodded, his voice no longer working. Leo swallowed down his rage and silently reminded himself that he had his girls and anything that he wanted to do to Charlie would probably take him away from them forever. His heart broke at the tears in Frankie’s eyes. “I’m so sorry. Come here.”</p>
<p>He stood and held his arms out to welcome Frankie into a hug. Frankie shook his head. “I’m fine.” He wasn’t. He was certain that he’d break down completely if he hugged Leo and he didn’t want to do that. Leo took a step closer and Frankie repeated himself. He stopped trying for a hug but just barely rested his hand on Frankie’s shoulder and his little brother was in his arms. Leo held him tight while he cried silent tears into his shoulder, desperately trying to hold in his own. Long minutes passed where Frankie’s body shook with the sobs that he tried to contain. He had all of the longing to protect him as when he was a scared, little toddler but it was far too late for that. Eventually Frankie pulled away, wiping his eyes and his nose on the back of his hand. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, mate.” Leo pulled him in for one more squeeze. “Do dad and pop know about this?”</p>
<p>“No.” Frankie sat back down again and Leo followed. “Please don’t tell them.”</p>
<p>“Course I won’t. Did you tell your counsellor about this when it happened?” Frankie shook his head. “Have you talked to anyone about it?” Another shake and Leo scrubbed his fingers over his eyes. “Fuck. I am so sorry you didn’t feel like you could talk to any of us.”“It’s not your fault.”“We thought it was a really fucking nasty prank taken too far, we had no idea he was abusing you like that. I’m so sorry we didn’t notice what was going on.”“I made sure you didn’t. Weren’t like he was abusing me anyway, I let him do it. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted more than that. And he can’t’ve abused me, he was just a kid as well.”</p>
<p>“That don’t mean anything. It don’t matter if you wanted some of it. He tried to rape you, Frankie. Or actually raped you, by the sound of it.” Frankie’s bottom lip trembled and more tears spilled from his eyes. “I know you didn’t wanna go through everything when you were a teenager but you could go to the police. He doesn’t have to get away with everything that he did to you.”</p>
<p>Frankie shook his head and took a sip of his tea. “I’m not doing that. It will kill dad and pop, and I don’t ever wanna see him again. I don’t want any of you lot to see him again and do something stupid because of me either.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” Leo gripped his own mug and tried not to argue no matter how much he wanted Charlie to get what he fucking deserved.</p>
<p>“I know you think I should have him locked up or whatever so he can’t get away with it or do it again but I’m not going through that.”</p>
<p>“No, I get it. I mean I don’t, not really, I honestly have no idea how you feel. But the one thing I do get is not wanting to drag someone you can’t stand the sight of through court, and I’m sure seeing him would be so much harder than it was for me to see Georgina. I understand you not wanting to.” Frankie gave him a grateful smile. “I know this sounds fucking weak but is there anything I can do?”</p>
<p>“Thanks but no, I don’t think so. Feels good to be able to tell you. Fucking scary but kind of good.” Frankie breathed out a nervous little laugh. “I just…I don’t know if I’m like this because of that or if I would be like this anyway. I don’t know if that’s how I’m wired or if I’m broken.”</p>
<p>Leo’s heart clenched in his chest. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to go through that kind of trauma and carry that kind of secret around. He couldn’t even begin to understand what it was like to not know himself in that way. He couldn’t stand the idea that his little brother could think there’s anything wrong with him. “I really wish I could help but I don’t know anything about any of this. Maybe you should go back to counselling again, tell them what happened, let them help you figure out if that’s what’s holding you back? If it is, I hope you can get past it. If it’s not and it’s just how you are, that’s okay, mate. You’re not broken, you just might need some help processing things properly. And this person that you’re seeing, just be honest with them and tell them you’re not interested in sex right now, or maybe ever. If they can’t deal with that, then you deserve someone better.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.” He gave Leo a genuine smile. “I really appreciate this.”</p>
<p>Leo stood and bent to give him another tight hug. “I’m so sorry you had to keep this to yourself for so long and I’m glad you don’t feel like you have to any more. You can always talk to me, about this or about anything, whenever you want. You’ll always be my baby brother, I love you so much.”</p>
<p>Frankie hugged him back just as tight. “I love you too.”</p>
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